Journal entries gliding out easily at the end of the day are not as likely for me as capturing first thoughts in the morning light. Before the rumble of the day, before I've girded myself up for people and activities, to think and feel and release a page in one smooth uninhibited scroll is natural, like an uncoiling, a spring released. Not that most of those pages are ever written to share, but they open the doors of perception to use Huxley's coinage, and then sometimes other writing follows.
When it's quiet, and I am too, I can access the inner realm with fewer twists and turns than it takes on an average day. It's evening now, the sun has set in obscurity and it's relatively quiet. I'm hunting and pecking for "what it is..."
Under the duress of intense emotions, words at work in me flow out easily, but that's more as if something is leaping out of me, rather than I entering in to meet and shape and retrieve and carry out a gestalt of thought. Or if it is an entry to within, it's more like Alice falling down the rabbit's hole.
Wonderland is where we live. When it is wonderful, as it often is close to home...I wonder and marvel. But of course we also live in a great wide world and in larger realms, trouble brews and many mad hatters would pour us a cup. And it isn't just that there's no room at the table and one must move down, make room, it's that the table itself is often needed to stage a makeshift emergency room.
So it's October now, I know this thought wasn't finished; it is terrible to spell out the problem and not even lean toward something that one can do. There are so many needs out in the big world. We can pick areas and send what help we can if we can't lay our own hands directly where the pressure is needed. I know I stay pretty busy just listening to people directly in my life, being there for them as best I can, doing my job every day, taking care of our health...you know trying to cook like I know something about nutrition and taking time to exercise and then also exercising that big muscle on top of my shoulders and...well... then before I know it the sun goes down. But I can't read the paper, or the web or click past the televised sound bites and not care and not have something to do or say about what's going on...can you?
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2 comments:
There are many needs out in the big world. I think you do more than your fair share of assuaging those needs. You have helped many, and continue to.
The great world of internet and phones and cars and planes has opened our eyes to suffering the world over. But none of us can singlehandedly help everybody. We can however, help and touch and care for those in our daily interactions, and that, you certainly do. I know, because I've been a recipient of your help and love!
Aligning, kindred, with the concept of threshold writing, as before disappearing into the intensity of family needs that arise with the holidays--I'm thinking about how not to get lost from the writing time and instead, this year--preserve the tranquility that ensues when I take the time to care for myself first, say, simply by writing on waking(against the demands of outer world, loved ones, etc). Enjoyed your latest posts--how carefully and deeply you examine the worlds we can't ignore around us.
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